I toyed with the idea of writing the book that would become Unravel for nearly two years. It would seem like a great idea one day and the worst idea I’d ever had the next day. I had three or four “go-to” excuses on speed dial when the thought of writing a book seemed like a good idea. Excuses like: I’m too busy leading groups at church, work is crazy right now, homeschooling my kids takes time, and I don’t know anything about publishing a book. My faith had an ebb and flow and was plagued with self-doubt.
Procrastination came courtesy of the little voice inside my head that said “who do you think you are?” or my personal favorite “you’re going to fall flat on your face.” Between excuses and procrastination, I went back and forth like a six-year-old on a playground swing.
God laid out my purpose in 2015.
Leading emotionally abused women to a life of freedom from their past pain so that they could be all that God created them to be was my purpose. So, that is what I did. I served, led countless groups, and taught classes. My focus was on learning and studying everything I could get my hands on regarding shame, fear, guilt, abuse, and anger. As I worked with people, I realized that depression, anxiety, and suicide were common struggles. I faithfully served in my purpose and worked with hundreds of women to help them let go of the things that were holding them hostage.
In 2016 God altered my purpose to include coaching leaders. Instead of leading one group at a time, I led four groups at a time, and helped train and build up some amazing leaders. I still worked with people one-on-one. My teaching, administrative, and leadership skills also continued to develop.
During this time God was opening my eyes to really see Him and the enemy in all new ways. Understanding how the enemy was working shifted my perspective on everything that I experienced in life and the curve balls that came at me every day. The concepts and strategies that I used in my own life and taught others to employ in their lives took on new meaning. #radicalgrowth.
During this time, I also had some incredible mentors and friends that modeled love, grace, and the art of ministry to the hurting. Without them, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, nor would I have written Unravel. God placed unbelievable women in my life that coached me and taught me how to dig into God’s Word like I’d never done before. Women that I could share my heart with without judgement, women that challenged my thinking, and women that saw something in me, that at the time, I didn’t see in myself.
A leap of faith.
Again, my purpose was about to evolve. In 2016 God altered my purpose and handed it to me, but this time I felt like He was asking me to take a leap of faith. The kind of leap that is hard and scary and requires you to step out of your comfort zone. The restlessness and the fulfillment in Him that I sought was only going to come by jumping off the metaphorical cliff and trusting that He was the parachute.
I’m not going to lie – I wrestled with this for months. Naturally, I liked my comfort zone – a lot. I was good at what I was doing – leading, teaching, and coaching women and new leaders. But the icky feeling of uncomfortable was like a never-ending walk on a day with 96% humidity.
As the world continued to be shut down in September of 2020, I felt increasingly restless. The sense that there was more for me to do began to wear me down.
God does that…makes you uncomfortable until you move.
The idea of writing a book was becoming abundantly clear as my ever-evolving purpose. What was incredibly painful was the realization that I needed to step back from leading and coaching to answer God’s call. This was agonizing. I loved my groups. Teaching was my passion. And, developing leaders brought me such joy. Stepping back hurt, but I knew that I was supposed to do this. God had more.
I had swatted at the writing bug like an annoying gnat for months, but it would prove to be relentless. Waving the white flag in surrender was the only pest control that would work. I sat down on a quiet Saturday morning in mid-September and stared at a blank computer screen and prayed for inspiration. It wasn’t long before the words poured out – no doubt the work of the Holy Spirit.
The work I had avoided for months became an obsession. I worked nights and weekends on Unravel. God would show me things, and I would write. God would speak to me through sermons, songs, and sometimes even the darkness of this world, and I would write more. Quotes on Instagram or chapters in a book I was reading sparked more words. Words and more words.
I started to allow myself to dream bigger and visualize Unravel being read by hurting people all over the world. This both excited me and scared the life out of me. The more I wrote and dreamed, the more the enemy tried to knock me down and cancel me out.
But God – two of my favorite words.
But God…
– sent encouragement from friends through perfectly timed messages.
– sent the words I needed to hear through a sermon that ignited my dimming passion.
– provided the resources to publish the book I took a leap of faith to write.
– helped me to maintain my job, my family, and my sanity.
– continued to remind me of His goodness and energize me when I thought I was too tired to take another step.
But God.
Jumping off the cliff of faith.
In February of 2021, I took the plunge and sent Unravel to a publisher and began the very real step of unleashing all those words into the world. Words – I cried, prayed, and agonized over. In the end, they are words that I pray glorify God and change the lives of countless men and women.
Unravel is in the final stages of publishing and will be released soon. Stay tuned. I am excited to see where God takes this book, this blog, and this ministry in the coming months and years. This blog will be a place of helping you go deeper with God, unraveling your past, learning to living your best life, and most of all…encouragement. This is a judgement-free-zone. While you may feel challenged at times, please know that you are never judged…only loved.
Lastly, we all have a past and sin that we struggle with – our goal is progress, never perfection. Those struggles are covered by the blood of Jesus and His boundless love. Nothing in your life is too messy for Him to fix or clean up. On the hard days, remember that you are loved, as-is. The world says “when you get your act together,” but God says “come as you are.”
If you would like to learn more about Unravel, click here: Unravel
Until next time,
Now may God, the fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope. Romans 15:13 TPT
